Indulgence

I´m here lying on my bath tube
relaxing my muscles
and boiling my brains
It feels so relaxing here

it´s 11pm and
my mind goes blank
then it peeps in
the lonely thought
- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry 'cause I'm
not the postman
I shouldn't be sending you
messages of any kind
however hard I feel
but sorry
I didn't mean to be unkind
it just felt right then

it's late at night
and my relaxed thoughts
play tricks you know,
it's late and
I'm lonely
in my hot bath tube

and I think of what writer
I am who talks about
nonsense
and grief
and pain

- so dramatic.

- so aimless.

which filters do I use
emotive? sarcastic?
intellectual?
insane?

then I take a long breath and
spread some more lavender-
scented liquid soap
and think at last that right now
maybe I'm just using
the filter of
sincerity.